حنظلة اسمى

حنظلة اسمى
حنظلة اسمى
فلسطين وطنى
ولدت فى الخامس من حزيران 1967
و لكن لا يزال عمرى عشر سنوات!
مرت على سنوات طويلة من القهر والحنق و الذل...

ولا يزال عمرى عشر سنوات...

اشتعل الرأس شيبا ثم تساقط شعرى...
شعرة...
شعرة...
و لا يزال عمرى عشر سنوات!
تجعد وجهى و ضاقت عينى...
و هرم القلب و وهن الجسد...
أمسكت بالحجارة أشق بها صدر العدو
أمسكت بالقلم...أكتب ما يجيش به صدرى..
و روت دموعى الحارة أرض الغربة الباردة
و أنبتت نبتة جافة...
و ترعرت وأصبحت شجرة حنظل
آكل منها فتتجرح لسانى و يتمزق حلقى...
وأتجرع كئوس دمائى المرّة...
مرت على السنوات...
ولا يزال القلب شاردا فى بلاد الغربة...
يصبو لجبل النار...
يصبو لأشجار الزيتون...
يصبو لحجارة أخرى أهشم بها رأس العدو
مرت على السنون و ما عدت أشكو همى لأحد كان...
ضاع الوطن و غاب الأهل...
و غابت الشمس وراء ضباب بلاد الغربة
أعيدونى إلى وطنى...الآن
أعينونى على أن أمسك بالحجارة...
أقذف بها على العدو...
.....................
فتخترق ذخائرهم جسدى النحيل...
فتتفجر ترسانتهم العتيدة فى عنقى...
فتتحطم...
فأختنق...
فأحيا...
و لكنكم انصرفتوا عنى إلى أموالكم...
انصرفتم عنى إلى تفاهاتكم...
تركتونى أتجرع الحنظل فى بلاد الغربة...
فأدرت لكم ظهرى إلى أبد الدهر!
لبستم أفخم الثياب
و تناسيتم قدماى الحافيتين
و ملابسى الرثة...
فأدرت لكم ظهرى إلى أبد...أبد الدهر!
و لكنى لا زلت أحلم كل ليلة...
بالحور العين و الثياب الخضراء...
بما لا عين رأت و لا أذن سمعت...
بالعيون النضاخة و الأنهار المتدفقة...
بصحبة العينان السوداوان...
العينان الحبيبتان...
الشريفتان...
فى حياة لا موت فيها و لا مرض...
لا يأس فيها و لا حزن...
لا بؤس فيها و لا شقاء...
و أتنبه.......
لأجد وسادة مبتلة...
و ليل طويل قد تشققت عنه السماء المظلمة...
و تبددت فيه السحب المتناثرة....

"ولدى حنظلة,
لقد كنت أنت الأيقونة التي تحفظ روحى من الانزلاق... نقطة العرق التي تلسع جبينى اذا ما جبنت أو تراجعت ...ولدت فى العاشرة في عمرك وستظل دائما في العاشرة من عمرك، ففي تلك السن غادرت فلسطين وحين تعود الى فلسطين ستكون بعد في العاشرة ثم تبدأ في الكبر ، فقوانين الطبيعة لا تنطبق عليك لأنك استثناء ، كما هو فقدان الوطن استثناء.
حبيبى حنظلة....لن تفنى بالرغم من فنائى...بل سأحيا بروحك...حبيبى...."
ناجى العلي

و يبقى الشعر....

"خسرت حلما جميلا.... خسرت لسع الزنابق
و كان ليلى طويلا.... على سياج الحدائق
و ما خسرت السبيلا...و ما خسرت السبيلا...
السبيلا...."

محمود درويش

Obsession

I'm standing in a crowd...
people giggling...some frowning...others shattering...
the misfits!
Then I smell a familiar perfume...
and my imagination sways far away from this life...
could it be you again...?
can I resist the temptation this time...?
Cuddling me...inviting me...seducing me...raping me...
can I resist your temptation this time?
And you lead me to your world though I know I'll be locked in forever...
there's no turning back now!
Soon enough...your black...black eyes....appear at a distance...
NO!
Please don't pull me back to this torture again...
but then I grap you by my very own will...
my fingers scratching your hard skin...
I grab you by the neck and pull you to my lips...
and you welcome me with your bitter taste...and your hot,black saliva...
as you touch my lips...you're too hot but it only makes me more helpless...
you cross your tongue across my lips ...scratching me..hurting me...bleeding me...
but it's ok....
you reach my tongue and a shrill goes down my body
You reach my throat and I start to choke...
and I'm still grabbing you closer....!
Are you my sin or my salvation?
Are you a saviour or a poison?
I thought you wanted platonic love!
But how can I resist your temptation...
You lean down on me and I hold you till we can't be any closer...
I take more of you....you take all of me...
I've dried up your mouth...but still I'm thirsty for more...
and as the last drop is twisted between our tongues...
I step back to look at you...
You can stand there and wonder at my desire....
what do you even know of my desire?
your black eyes fading....your perfume still intoxicating me....
you turn away to be filled again...
with hot...bitter...black...black coffee.

Perverseness
Why are you all staring at me?
What do you see?
Do you see a beautiful young lady....a calm face...an inviting smile?
A pair of tired eyes?
A broken heart?
......................
Now,where is everyone?
Where have you gone when my eyes just won't dry up?
Where are you when I hold the knife and have violent tendencies?
When I bite my tongue till it drips with blood?
But I still haven't figured out what to do with my skin...
Perhaps I'll start with my wrist...
I'll cut it in two...don't worry,I love the sight of blood
black blood flowing from two intertwined veins..
drip...drip...drip...
Or perhaps I'll go head down from our balkony...
and reach the ground with a thud and a broken neck...
Are you all having a nice time?
Are you riding your fancy cars?
Are you eating a bunch of mouth-watering grapes?
Have you heard a skull being smashed against a wall?
Guess what.....it's mine! Surprise!
"I'll say goodbye to all my troubles"
Or...I'll stand by the road...trembling and relieved
I'll wait for this or that car...I'll jump
I'll be saved.
But you know what's the best way...seriously?
I'll carry on living.

Vengeance

"God,when am I ever going to die!"
Tears streaming down her face,blood gushing from her vagina,she picks up her torn clothes and tries to go home.
Her knees are trembling,barely able to hold her sorrow...the world is spinning..the world must be going crazy.
"If you tell anyone,I won't even kill you...I'll kill your own mother and father.You wanted it to happen to you anyway..umm...I can even feel you having it..."
"Help!Somebody help me!Somebody!Please have mercy!'
"Huh,have you heard that?"
.........HELP!.........
"...whatever can we do to her anyway?Let's go!"
She drops down in a swoon..a thin line of the sky comes closing down upon her...can't breathe...can't see...
"Leave me alone! I want to die!I have to die!"
Hours pass..one.two..three...
"Honey,what's the matter?"
Silence...
"I'm still waiting for the tea!!"
Aaaaaaaaaaah!
What if God had not created tears?
How could she have survived that night?
She recoils to a dark corner in her dark room..."should I tell them?"
A pair of glaring blue eyes is staring at her from among the sheets of her bed...
"If you tell anyone..."
Like a compressed something that has suddenly been released...she sobs...grinds her teeth and pulls off her hair...
The wedding ring...the dark,mysterious man who would come to her from among the mist taking her hand..the white dress...the smile of her child..."all done!all gone!"
The phone rings...how long have I been here...and how long has my mother been knocking at the door?
The deep...comforting voice of her best friend streams on from the wires...oh...if her voice could be the music of my ears till the day I die!
"My dear...u don't sound ok to me...what happened?"
Silence...
"If you tell anyone..."
....months pas....
"Sarah! I believe in you.It wasn't your fault.If I could lay hands on him-"
Drip...drip...drip...
"My dear,don't keep the hurt.If you tell me how you feel...you'll divide your burden in half...a half is so much easier to bear..."
"......"
"Sarah!Wake up!It's already 7:00 pm."
"God!Don't tell me it was just a dream!He seemed so real-" she touches her delicate fingers..."that I can stiil feel his touch...his grasp...his heat...his pulse...
"Let me stay..where the wind will whisper to me...where the raindrops as they're falling tell a story..."
Sarah...how are you doing now? asks Deep Voice.
"Getting on...I thought about what you told me..I'll talk..I'll talk..."
Years pass...
"Dear Diary,
I can't help wondering if he's still alive...
If so...I don't wish to see him in jail...
I don't wish to see his decaying remains...I only want him to see how I've become..."