Dear, dear reader,
He came along to our house with his brother and mother. I had known he is handsome, but when I first saw him, I was quite disappointed: he had this line of moustache – a moustache, in the 21st century! – and his haircut was quite, quite old-fashioned. Not the guy for me, I thought, he looks so naïve, so innocent, kham as we say in Arabic. He did, however, give me a sly smile over his cup of tea. His brother looked promising with his tiny, sparkling black eyes and matching wavy black hair. A good match for my sister. They would probably have pretty babies if this marriage gets done. My sister was thrilled,
'How lovely would it be if you two got together! He's a perfect match for you – talkative and funny.'
'No way, Nancy, he has this thin line of moustache like he was a 40s American soldier!'
A few days later.
'You know,' I said, reflecting, 'if he grew a tiny beard it would be just right on him.'
'He's an OFFICER. Officers don't grow beards. Have you ever seen any do so?'
I suddenly realised there was none. But I still imagined him growing a golden beard like his golden hair.
We went over to their house the second time. He was wearing a Lois Jeans. I thought…so you're from Planet Earth and wear brand names like the rest of us. He was always engaged in the conversation. Always attentive, especially when I spoke? Oh, well, people are always attentive when you speak, because it only happens in blue moons.
I didn't want to get married to a naïve guy. I don't know what gave me this impression, but I kept thinking - what does he know of the world? At least I know a little. But what does he know? He looks like a bud that is just opening up and I – I opened up before my due time –
My sister found out his Facebook account. Now, that's something – not that it is something to have a Facebook account but that he logs on to the internet and knows about Facebook and has +50 friends! So, he's not really the Clark Gabel I thought he was, maybe now a Colin Farrell?
And then I saw his profile picture. He was in military outfit, laying back comfortably, his left arm above his head and smiling peacefully at the camera. That was when I was totally obsessed by him – totally. And if you don't know, dear reader, how it is for a girl to be obsessed with someone, there you go;
I began exploring every inch of his profile, every face in his friend list, every comment he ever made on a photo. There are only two girls among his friends. Two pretty girls. One of them is his cousin and she looks sweet in her black veil, fair skin and shiny, hazel eyes.
The day they visited us to settle on who the hell is going to pay for the appliances and furniture, I spent most of the time preparing and serving the drinks. But when I offered him his soft drink, it was the last drink on the tray , so I asked him, 'Would you like me to make you a different one?!!!'
So you think you are being FRIENDLY?
He coloured and said, no, thank you without raising his head to meet my eye.i could hear his brother laugh. Oh, damn, I screwed up. But I guess it paid off because the moment I returned to my seat he looked directly at me. So straightforwardly that I had to look somewhere else –
And again when I was preparing the dessert, I caught him – I actually CAUGHT him – peeking! My sweetheart had a bad cold that day…and I woke up the next day with a sore throat!!
Facebook. Facebook. Facebook. I was trying to trace any sign of infidelity when I found this under his Superpoke! Application:
And on my birthday! It can't be made for a male friend – that would be so gay and besides if it was a guy why would he make it private? You hug her on my birthday? What are you – heartless? I even clicked on this private but it only directed me to my homepage. What, he hugged me? Oh, no. I don't know how this application works and I didn't want to have any wilder ideas.
So who is she, really? Where did he meet her? Are they in love? Is she sexy? Does she offer better drinks than I do! And how and where on Earth would he meet her anyway when he has been to a guys-only college? Which is also a 'boarding-college' – In the weekends? A friend of a friend? This cousin? Did he secretly date a girl from the college I went to – a trendy, high-heeled girl from the Faculty of Arts and a handsome, tanned, well-built, innocent-looking young officer from the college just around the corner- the Military Technical College. A classical example.
And, dear reader, I don't know if it's just me who does that or is it the norm. But a girl's imagination is so impulsive – so damn impulsive that the moment, the very moment she sees someone and likes him, she just takes him through all of the closed doors of her mind. He would make a good husband, I thought, gentle, helpful and caring. But didn't you want someone rough- And a good father, loving, naughty and noisy. And it will be just fine because we would have known each other for a while and let our feelings grow naturally, and we would by that time have known their family well. And then he would propose. And everyone would envy us – a match made in heaven, they would say, and I would wear my pearl necklace, wisteria scarf and walk into Costa Coffee with everyone staring at me – here comes his girl at last. She's pretty. Couldn't have suited him better. This, dear reader, is how a girl gets obsessed, possessed.
But then I kept asking myself…why do you just love to torture yourself? Why do you keep tracing his every fucking status, waiting for a sign, waiting for a clue, when he probably doesn't care? At least you don't know yet whether he cares. How come you're thinking of a future with him when you hardly ever spoke to him, and can only remember his face because you spend your nights staring at his picture? Why? Aren't you scared that your own delicate heart be broken? Doesn't it matter to you at all? At all?
We've all had dreams that SHOOK us, whether good or bad ones, and today I was in this sweet slumber when I found him breaking down my walls, coming into our house, playfully tugging at my skirt and telling me that he is sure about his feelings and that they are now ready to propose.
I woke up and had this sick feeling of wanting to go back – to hang on to him – not to let him go – not to let even his image go, slip away so simply –
Tomrrow is Nancy and Muhammad's engagement, and until then I'll miss you – ohh – I'll miss you, Green Beret!
Wild at Heart
"Is this Love?
That I'm feeling?
Is this the Love…that I've been searching for?
Is this Love?
Or am I dreaming?
This must be Love,
Cause it's really got a hold on me…
A hold on me-"
Whitesnake, Is this Love?
To be continued…?