Sunday, October 14, 2007

Is this Love?

Dear, dear reader,
He came along to our house with his brother and mother. I had known he is handsome, but when I first saw him, I was quite disappointed: he had this line of moustache – a moustache, in the 21st century! – and his haircut was quite, quite old-fashioned. Not the guy for me, I thought, he looks so naïve, so innocent, kham as we say in Arabic. He did, however, give me a sly smile over his cup of tea. His brother looked promising with his tiny, sparkling black eyes and matching wavy black hair. A good match for my sister. They would probably have pretty babies if this marriage gets done. My sister was thrilled,
'How lovely would it be if you two got together! He's a perfect match for you – talkative and funny.'
Me? Funny?
'No way, Nancy, he has this thin line of moustache like he was a 40s American soldier!'
A few days later.
'You know,' I said, reflecting, 'if he grew a tiny beard it would be just right on him.'
'He's an OFFICER. Officers don't grow beards. Have you ever seen any do so?'
I suddenly realised there was none. But I still imagined him growing a golden beard like his golden hair.
We went over to their house the second time. He was wearing a Lois Jeans. I thought…so you're from Planet Earth and wear brand names like the rest of us. He was always engaged in the conversation. Always attentive, especially when I spoke? Oh, well, people are always attentive when you speak, because it only happens in blue moons.
I didn't want to get married to a naïve guy. I don't know what gave me this impression, but I kept thinking - what does he know of the world? At least I know a little. But what does he know? He looks like a bud that is just opening up and I – I opened up before my due time –
My sister found out his Facebook account. Now, that's something – not that it is something to have a Facebook account but that he logs on to the internet and knows about Facebook and has +50 friends! So, he's not really the Clark Gabel I thought he was, maybe now a Colin Farrell?
And then I saw his profile picture. He was in military outfit, laying back comfortably, his left arm above his head and smiling peacefully at the camera. That was when I was totally obsessed by him – totally. And if you don't know, dear reader, how it is for a girl to be obsessed with someone, there you go;
I began exploring every inch of his profile, every face in his friend list, every comment he ever made on a photo. There are only two girls among his friends. Two pretty girls. One of them is his cousin and she looks sweet in her black veil, fair skin and shiny, hazel eyes.
The day they visited us to settle on who the hell is going to pay for the appliances and furniture, I spent most of the time preparing and serving the drinks. But when I offered him his soft drink, it was the last drink on the tray , so I asked him, 'Would you like me to make you a different one?!!!'
So you think you are being FRIENDLY?
He coloured and said, no, thank you without raising his head to meet my eye.i could hear his brother laugh. Oh, damn, I screwed up. But I guess it paid off because the moment I returned to my seat he looked directly at me. So straightforwardly that I had to look somewhere else –
And again when I was preparing the dessert, I caught him – I actually CAUGHT him – peeking! My sweetheart had a bad cold that day…and I woke up the next day with a sore throat!!
Facebook. Facebook. Facebook. I was trying to trace any sign of infidelity when I found this under his Superpoke! Application:
'…hugged private.'
And on my birthday! It can't be made for a male friend – that would be so gay and besides if it was a guy why would he make it private? You hug her on my birthday? What are you – heartless? I even clicked on this private but it only directed me to my homepage. What, he hugged me? Oh, no. I don't know how this application works and I didn't want to have any wilder ideas.
So who is she, really? Where did he meet her? Are they in love? Is she sexy? Does she offer better drinks than I do! And how and where on Earth would he meet her anyway when he has been to a guys-only college? Which is also a 'boarding-college' – In the weekends? A friend of a friend? This cousin? Did he secretly date a girl from the college I went to – a trendy, high-heeled girl from the Faculty of Arts and a handsome, tanned, well-built, innocent-looking young officer from the college just around the corner- the Military Technical College. A classical example.
And, dear reader, I don't know if it's just me who does that or is it the norm. But a girl's imagination is so impulsive – so damn impulsive that the moment, the very moment she sees someone and likes him, she just takes him through all of the closed doors of her mind. He would make a good husband, I thought, gentle, helpful and caring. But didn't you want someone rough- And a good father, loving, naughty and noisy. And it will be just fine because we would have known each other for a while and let our feelings grow naturally, and we would by that time have known their family well. And then he would propose. And everyone would envy us – a match made in heaven, they would say, and I would wear my pearl necklace, wisteria scarf and walk into Costa Coffee with everyone staring at me – here comes his girl at last. She's pretty. Couldn't have suited him better. This, dear reader, is how a girl gets obsessed, possessed.
But then I kept asking myself…why do you just love to torture yourself? Why do you keep tracing his every fucking status, waiting for a sign, waiting for a clue, when he probably doesn't care? At least you don't know yet whether he cares. How come you're thinking of a future with him when you hardly ever spoke to him, and can only remember his face because you spend your nights staring at his picture? Why? Aren't you scared that your own delicate heart be broken? Doesn't it matter to you at all? At all?
We've all had dreams that SHOOK us, whether good or bad ones, and today I was in this sweet slumber when I found him breaking down my walls, coming into our house, playfully tugging at my skirt and telling me that he is sure about his feelings and that they are now ready to propose.
I woke up and had this sick feeling of wanting to go back – to hang on to him – not to let him go – not to let even his image go, slip away so simply –
Tomrrow is Nancy and Muhammad's engagement, and until then I'll miss you – ohh – I'll miss you, Green Beret!

Wild at Heart
"Is this Love?
That I'm feeling?
Is this the Love…that I've been searching for?
Is this Love?
Or am I dreaming?
This must be Love,
Cause it's really got a hold on me…
A hold on me-"
Whitesnake, Is this Love?

To be continued…?


Anonymous said...

Dear Noha,
First best wishes cause of Aid Al fiter in Holland they call it Sugar feast, anyway it could be love my dear, i think if you see somebody for the first time mybe you like they way he is looking but i think you wil know if it love is when you know someone for a long time and talked with him of her often. I think love is also a kind of friendship. Friendship means someone good knows. By teh way whithe snake is a nice band and is a dutch one the guy who sing comes from the the city i live teh living not so fare from me i saw him sometimes in teh supermarkt Adje van Vanenburg is his name he is painting now. Have a nice aid dear, and good luck with your probly love.


Anonymous said...

ur heart leaps out & clings to love but sometimes it's just a crush...don't rush things ....u have to be positive about ur feelings can be love can be illusion or driven by the strong desire to love & be loved....the" spark" is the's not just picturing yourself as his couple's chemistry, attraction & eagerness....:D ya Noha

Dyamees 3akka :D

Wild at Heart said...

Yeah, deep in my heart I know you are right keep waiting for my sequel, I shouldn't be long.

cinderella said...

really i am attracted by what u have written its marvellous, its like u r reflecting girls feeling when they see someone looking at them and become hesitated whether its love or likeness or just a normal look as guys used to. my advice to u just take ur whole time to talk to him more and figure out whether he likes u or not, and dont try daydreams coz it is the worst thing that any girl can ever do to herself coz when u figure out that it wasnt liking it will be like a shock for u. also a big big advise to u dont rush into marrying ur sister fiance brother as i have experinced it and when something happen u can harm ur sister so if he confesses to u that he want u and wanna propose just take ur time to be sure that u wont leave him and that he is ur perfect match, so , that nothing happen. anyway wishing good luck to u and hope u find ur match soon and hear about u getting married

Wild at Heart said...

Dear Cinderella,
First, u really left a smile on my face just stopping by!
Given the situation I'm in, I really have no other choice than to keep on daydreaming, cos I don't actually get to see him often, let alone talk to him. I read somewhere that guys DON'T give mixed messages. So if someone really likes you, he'll go ahead and talk, they don't beat about the bush. Now that he doesn't do any steps to try to win me or anything, I just don't know what to expect.
I have a sort of sequel to this post coming soon, so don't miss it :)

spellz said...

ana wa23a 3l ard ml de7k

u r reflecting me most of the time
damn facebook damn uu
u made us stalkers !!!

lamma tlaaa2i 7all lazem te2oleeli :D:D:D:D:D

Wild at Heart said...

welcome aboard stalker :D
howa beyb2a el mawdou3 shwyat obsession 3la shwyat curiosity...but if u feel that it is one sided, from you only, the interest will decrease by itself.
That's of course until u find someone who's interested in return...2orayeb isA :D