Tuesday, February 16, 2010

I'm lonely, lonely, lonely

I have been attacked by a mood that has for so long thankfully abandonned me. Generally speaking I am not a people person, and I shy away from people I don't know and always, always feel tense in public. A bit of paranoia added can complete the picture too.
I have struggled throughout my teenage years with loneliness. I would go to school filled up with a hope in a new day only to feel rejected and unwelcome. I made a group of friends during "high school" and at college I made yet another one and we're still like really thick, so feelings of loneliness now baffle me.
I usually have an insatiable appetite for new, interesting people, especially males, which is normal. However, I just feel unloved. I have this particular foreign friend and whereas I am not in, and should not, be in love with him, it just exasperates me feeling he is not as interested in me as I in him. I am used to a certain kind of attention. I just know that men are hopeless in tiny details and sweet gestures, but these would make me feel better. Again why I am expecting him to give me this kind of attention, I don't know.
Another problem is, I literally drool over every single interesting guy I meet. Just please drop me a comment and tell me this is normal. I have like, instant crushes with maybe ten people at the same time. The moment I see or meet anyone new I get all heated up and keep imagining how our "relationship" would go. I know this is typical loneliness. But I also know that even if I fall in love, I am not going to fall in love with a perfect man, and that any detail about other men will keep intriguing me. I might as well make a very bad wife.
I do have a hundred things to do to keep my mind away from all of this. Desperately searching for people I have met on FB or even in blogs won't work. I am aware that someone out there is probably searching for me as well, but until our wires meet, I will have to endure this.

3 comments:

marooned84 said...

Now that's strange. This is almost ur 1st personal post as far as I can remember. 1st comment: you should leave your email in your profile! 2nd, I feel like you with almost every girl I meet. Loneliness, is it? yeah I guess so. Maybe that accounts for my best friendship being with someone I met 48 hours after our first encounter on mirc (no times for spoiling a friendship by suppositions and imaginations). Well, sometimes when I have a similar mood I search for interesting blogs. That's how I got to know urs in the 1st place. Before I joined the blogosphere there was mirc, Hi5, and similar online channels to spend away my loneliness period. Point is: u're not alone, and I didn't know I'm not alone in this!

Wild at Heart said...

So you and I are lonely, as everyone gets lonely, and everyone thinks that he/she is the only one who is lonely, but when we blog about it we realise that we're not the only people who are lonely :D

I refused to add an e-mail so as not to compromise my already compromised privacy, but then I made the simple step of changing the name of the e-mails...so here it is: bitterresidue@yahoo.com

Anonymous said...

This is Normal !!! Seriously
"The moment I see or meet anyone new I get all heated up and keep imagining how our "relationship" would go. I know this is typical loneliness"
I don't think it's typical loneliness at all, it happens !! more than what you may think..
add to this that am a details freak, many times, small tiny details that are not usually unnoticed by anyone ruin that perfect picture of people I have a crush for !! or even casual friendships !!
THIS IS NORMAL !