So my mum just told me "gatek el 2araf" because I refused to see a suitor who lives in UAE. I haven't tried living outside Egypt - but I can't imagine it. I can imagine staying for a few months, bearing disconnection from family, friends and familiar faces, only for a limited while. I am not one to think there is absoultely no hope in this country and that we should leave on the first one-way plane. Of course this may not be the only reason why millions of Egyptians have immigrated in the last fourty years. But many of my male friends have thought about it practically, and found out that by no means can they afford buying an apartment, a shabka (obligatory gold or diamond gift), bedrooms, living rooms etc when they earn say 200$ a month. I can't blame them and no one can, the air in Egypt smells of frustration.
Meanwhile, I am also thinking as unpractically as possible, and I believe that there is no way I can know a person well enough to get married to him through chatting or Facebook. And marriage is not a decision I am planning to be stupid about...it makes you or breaks you. The pressure from mum and dad has been on me ever since I graduated, and I know it will get more unbearble by the day. I am not going to tell mum I'm upset because first she knows it, and second I don't know if I'll be able to contain my anger. But I don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle the pressure in the coming years and at the same time strive to keep my sanity. Doesn't she realise that in this way she could one day push me to make a wrong decision? She prays to God and kneels to him tens of times a day, but still believes that I control who I am going to marry me, and specifically told me not to ruin my own destiny. I am not saying I have picked up proper matches in my life, but I am saying, please, don't make me feel like shit.